Tuesday, 11 August 2009

Contact & Depth


Spent some time with a good friend yesterday and we spent time thinking about depth in relationship. I surprised myself as I found myself leaning much more toward the idea of contact, and seeing this in binary form, either as on or off.

This is a concept I was introduced to by Keith Tudor during the online conversation we had in June that will hopefully be posted to www.onlinevents.co.uk shortly.

I do like to experience "depth" in my relationships and have noticed at times chasing this to the point where I may try and force it, or perhaps like I am chasing a "fix". And I notice when I don't feel like I am really connected to the other I can feel unsettled, like something is going wrong.

And I surprised myself yesterday how happy I was with idea of contact, at any depth ....



-- Post From My iPhone

2 comments:

Cove Counselling & Supervision said...

I really like your comment.

I think you are right about the depth of relationship being on or off.

I also think that depth of relation ship can not be chased, its a process between 2 people (in a counselling arena) I think if it is a forced realtionship there will be no depth to it, as it needs to develop.

Annie Fallaize said...

Ah John, the old contact chestnut. I read your blog ages ago but didn't have the courage to comment. I do now though. :-)

What this brings up in me is that I can feel in contact and be in contact with someone. It's a literal and functional idea. We say we are in contact with friends when we haven't seen them for a week or so. In the counselling room it's arguable that we have contact even if the other isn't looking at us or is turned away or maybe just silent.

Perhaps not to be confused with having a connection with someone which can have different emotions attached to that experience. Sometimes it's a particular connection we have maybe limited to something we have in common.

A feeling of connection can be a moving experience and can be described as a deep and meaningful encounter. In counselling we call this working at depth - (relational depth).

The other person doesn't always feel the same quality of connection or relationship as us though.

There look what you've brought out of me! xx